Wondering and Worrying
by Barcardivodka
Summary: Tag for The Shrine. Jeannie's POV. She had come to say goodbye.


_Kudos to my fellow Squirrel and Darkside Jedi Chocolate Fighter Pilot Mirth for the story idea and beta-ing services _

_You will know Mirth as Ferryman on this site, so if you haven't already done so, go check out her amazing SGA stories, but not until after you've read mine ;) LOL_

_I don't own Stargate Atlantis in any shape or form - but I am waiting for a reply on my offer to buy Rodney McKay!_

_Summary: Tag to Shine (yes another one!) From Jeannie's point of view. She came to say goodbye._

_Spoliers throughout for The Shine._

* * *

Jeannie carefully folded the sweater and placed it into her bag; she gave the room one last careful look to make sure all her possessions were packed away.

The door chimes sounded and she moved across the room to answer the door, already knowing who it would be.

"Hey Mer, "she smiled, as the doors opened to reveal her visitor. She took a step closer and gave McKay a hug, squeezing as hard as she dare. She smiled over McKay's shoulder as she felt the hug returned with barely any hesitation.

"All set?" McKay asked, stepping out of the hug. She nodded, and returned to the bed to pick up her bag.

"All set," she confirmed. They left the room together, walking side by side along the corridors towards the control room.

She had stayed in Atlantis for two weeks, making sure Mer had fully recovered. She could have left days ago; Mer had bounced back quickly from the surgery and had been back at work within a few days.

She had been shocked at Meredith's condition when she first arrived in Atlantis. She was told that he was gravely ill and time was of the essence. But to see her annoying, smug brother struggle to remember the most basic of words, stumbling over them as he tried to pronounce them, had reduced her to tears. A hollowness had opened up inside her, knowing that she had missed the chance to say goodbye to him. That, although he may understand the word, he would never understand the emotion and meaning behind it.

When Ronon had told her of the Shrine, the scientist in her had quickly dismissed it, but the sister in her had grabbed it with both hands. She truly understood Doctor Keller's reluctance to believe in the miracle of the Shrine and her insistence that a medical cure could be found. But hours turned into days and time was something Meredith no longer had. It wasn't just his mind that was slipping away but his very existence.

She had been giddy with joy and relief when he had returned to his normal self in the Shrine, which had quickly turned to despair at his anguish when he realized that a day was all he had left to live.

Things had moved fast after that, the understanding of how the parasite reacted to the radiation, the fraught operation and the far more joyous return to Atlantis. Although she didn't really believe the Shrine would work, she had still thought of everything she wanted to say to Mer.

To thank him for coming back into her life and for making the effort to stay in it. It was ironic that when they were on the same planet they had had no relationship at all. It was only with Mer in a different galaxy that they had finally put aside their differences and had once again become brother and sister.

To tell him she was sorry that his childhood had been so rotten. That it wasn't his fault that their parents constantly bickered and argued. That they should have been proud of his achievements. That she was sorry they turned their love and attention to her and left him to his own devices.

He had been blessed with an intelligence far greater than most, but he had had to pay a price for it. Their parents had buckled under the strain of rearing a genius, of having a child that wasn't satisfied until he knew the how and why. Who, if he wasn't constructing something, was taking something apart to understand how it worked. It had set him apart from all the other children, making him the target of cruel taunts and bullies.

Their parents had only seen a pale skinny child, far smarter them themselves, who frequently came home with a bloody nose or bruised cheek and who was a constant strain on their time and financial resources. The son that they had so desperately wanted had quickly outgrown them.

Jeannie reached out and took Rodney's hand in hers; he looked at her in astonishment for a moment, before curling his hand around hers with a slight smile.

Back in the Shrine she wanted to tell him how proud she was of him. That she was glad he had at last found happiness and true friendship. People who liked him for all his faults and lack of social grace. Who had smashed some of the walls that he had built around himself over the years and who had taught him about trust and family.

Then she would have said goodbye.

In the end, she hadn't needed to, but very soon they would be in the control room, the gate would whoosh to life and she would have to say goodbye, leaving him here with his new family, while she went back to hers. They would email every couple of weeks, she would guilt him into visiting occasionally, and she would worry and wonder if he was healthy and whole.

They had spent years apart, years not even communicating, never knowing where he was. Never guessing that he was in a different galaxy, fighting creatures that fed on your very life, trying to stop them from finding Earth. There were so many ways that he could be injured or killed. So many ways that wouldn't allow her the chance to say her goodbye in person, but having to say it to the cold earth of his grave.

He was a genius; he should be in some safe, boring lab, working on theoretical physics. Instead, he was in a millennia old city, in the Pegasus galaxy, saving peoples lives on a daily basis. Using and developing technology that could never have existed on Earth, being on a first contact team, never knowing what danger he would face after he stepped through the gate.

Now, as they neared the control room, she found the words stuck in her throat, unable to say all that she so desperately wanted too. She was left with only one word and the knowledge that Meredith would now understand the emotion and meaning behind it.

She would go home and greet her family with joy. She would wonder and worry about him, hoping against hope that if the worst ever happened, she would get her chance to see him one last time. Because with all the danger and horrors that lay in wait in this galaxy, it had made him a better man, it had brought the true man to the surface. He had fought his own demons and fears and faced up to his shortcomings. He was changing into the man, the brother, Jeannie always knew lay behind the prickly defenses.

Atlantis and the Pegasus galaxy needed Doctor Meredith Rodney McKay but he needed them more.

Still, it would not stop her from wondering and worrying.


End file.
